I wasn’t sure how to write this, and I am still not sure how to say it.
Humans are complex puzzles, but for some reason, I always felt unsolvable.
Any time that I believed I finally was who I am meant to be, it changed.
I wanted to be a cowgirl, then I wanted to be more alternative, next I wanted to be insanely girly, and suddenly I decided to be more bohemian.
Each and every week, I was someone new. My revolution was endless. It was tiring.
I had this overwhelming need to classify myself. I needed some sort of constant in my life, so I set out to find it. To find me.
Trial and error. That’s all I could do. I tried a million different outfits, song genres, books, attitudes, etc.
I learned that I didn’t quite fit anywhere. Not completely, anyway.
Another flood of heartache washed over me as in that moment, I seemed to lose my place. I lost the place I held with so many people that I gave up.
I literally just stepped back and told myself, “Alright. It’s just you now. Time to figure out how to be okay with that.”
Magic happened next.
I made a life-changing discovery: Nobody fits.
Humans are so very complex, and it would be a disservice to chain ourselves to one category.
We will never simply be blue, or red, or yellow, or orange.
No, we are indigo, and teal, and fuchsia, and scarlet.
I couldn’t stop tirelessly transforming because every time my heart wanted to stray to another path, it dragged my brain along with it. I was trying to force every piece of myself to be synchronized, but that’s not how we are meant to be.
My heart is meant to bleed with passion, while my brain focuses on reality. My legs want to run, but my hands need to write.
If a scientist was able to analyze me closely, they would unveil that I am split into several different colors, but as far as the human eye can see, I am a beautiful mixture.
A secret: So are you.
I embrace my uniqueness, and I embrace yours, too, just in case you haven’t learned to yet.
The world is abstract, and that is what makes it worth living in. There is literally nobody in all of existence that is you.
You are rare.
So don’t let anyone strip you down to be just blue when you have the potential to be sapphire.
Find what makes you happy and understand that it doesn’t have to fit with this image others have created of you. Their image is outdated, and they will learn to retake the picture at some point, so just be you. Everyone else will catch up later. At least, the ones who deserve to be in your life will.
Don’t slow down, and don’t dare to hold back.
Because whether you realize it yet or not:
All that you are is magnificent, no matter how miscellaneous it seems at first.
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Life can be messy. Thank God I have my faith and my pencil.